I thought I could just get over you...but I see there’s something I just can’t do...from the way you would hold me...to the sweet things you told me...I just can’t find a way to let go of you
aya_jim4ever
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Name: AyAnE
Country: United States
State: LA
Birthday: 12/15/1985
Gender: Female


Interests: spendin' the tym with my bao bei jim~ ^^
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other


Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM: fragilelilaya
MSN: ayanenakai1215@icqmail.com
ICQ: 153758086


Member Since: 11/19/2003

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Thursday, June 24, 2004

IM NOT GONNA USE THIZ XANGA ANIMORE.... THZ 4 EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED ME FOR SOOO LONG~ MY NEW XANGA IZ http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=fragilelilaya    PLZ LEAVE ME MSG AS USUAL~ N SUBSCRIBE ME~ LOVE U GUYZ~


Tuesday, June 15, 2004

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thiz song iz rite... i shouldnt repeat the same mistake i made... i should look at the front... even it hurtz... i still need to go on... i gotta let it burn...

 

jim... plz dont be sad for me... i dont worth it... n even though we cant be together... i'll alwayz mis u from mai heart... n i'll alwayz remember ur wordz n ur smile... ur alwayz gonna be the one i loved the most... u'll stay in mai mind foreva... dont be sad... cuz we were once together... wif happiness..rite? itz not abt the length time... itz all abt the memories... n itz abt how much we realli had loved one another... i fink i realli did my best... i fink i gave u the greatest love of all... n i changed a lot for u... i fink u noe more than anybody else... n u noe i loved u more than lyf itself.. for sure im gonna miss u... for sure im gonna cri sumtymz... but we need to be strong... ur life still goez on wifout me... i wont hate u... becuz u taught me how to love a person wif an unselfish heart... n u taught me how to be a beta person... thz for lettin' me in love wif a person deeply... thz for everyfin u've done... so sorri.... dat i couldnt stay wif u animore... cuz i hafto leave... i gotto leave babe...  from now on... we'll walk our separate wayz... but we'll alwayz remember the tymz.. dat we've been together ... n i wish dat my smilez... will alwayz appear in ur mind... as usual... i'll pray for u everynite... may god be alwayz wif u... jim.. so sorri.. i dont haf the confidence to love u animore... plz forgif me for my weakness....

my cousin n I at AHSz graduation~


Monday, June 07, 2004

i've been heartbroken too mani tymz alreadi... im so scared to love a person... n im tired to love a person... i dont wanna get hurt animore... i waz so suprised when u called me thiz morning at 6:30... i waz even more suprised dat u appologized becuz u cuzzed at me in da email... itz just... totalli not ur style... i thought u didnt care abt me animore... i thought i waz da onli one who carez abt watz gonna happen to uz... ive been tryin so hard to maintain thiz relationship.. it seemz lyk ur alwayz far away from me... n i alwayz need to run to ur side n chase u... u were alwayz goin' farther n farther away from me... when i thought itz tym for me to gif up... u told me u didnt wanna lose me... n u realli didnt wanna break up... i waz... so suprised... when u swear to god dat ur gonna treat me rite... when u told me u finalli discovered how much i loved u...  n how much i mean to u... i waz lost... i didnt noe whether i waz dreamin' or not... datz totalli not u... itz just...too perfect to be true... y did u cum bak when i finalli decided to gif up... y did u once gif me hope again? i thought i could finalli forget... but u return again... i donno whether ur gonna realli change... but i'll trust u one more tym... one more tym... if after thiz chance... it realli doesnt work out... i'll realli gif up... cuz... i fink... i realli did my best... i realli realli did... i hope u'll treasure me from now on.. n love me wif all ur heart... n realli treat me lyk ur gf... i hope u wont lemme go thiz tym... i dont wanna be heartbroken again... im so tired... so many nitez... i sit by da windowz... wishin' u would appear in front of me... but im feelin so dispair... i cant... i cant gif animore... i dont haf the confidence to love u lyk the way b4... i still love u... love u so much... itz too much dat im feelin so scared... i just cant get u out of my mind... i dont understand... watz so gd abt u? why m i so addicted to u? y did god make me fall in love wif a guy lyk u? .... i wanna let go... but i dont wanna let go... i dont wanna love u... but i wanna love u...  i just wanted to haf a simple lyf lyk those regular gurlz.. y cant i be lyk them? plz... lemme believe in u again... plz dont lemme cri animore... i had enuf... i realli had enuf... so... plz dont lemme down again jim... lemme trust u one more tym...

i hope wat u said waz the truth... u said letz stay together foreva.. n dont separate animore.. i realli wish itz true.. n itz wif sincere... i've cried too much during thiz 14 monthz... plz love me wif an unselfish love.... n treat me wif sincere... n hold me tyte.. n dont lemme go....


everyfin haz cum to an end... itz finished...itz over.. me n jim... i just recieved an email from him... sigh* he dont even noe wat had happened to me a month ago... wat dat stupid retarded guy did to me... he dont even noe how i felt dat day? how scared i waz... how scary it waz... it waz a disaster... i cant even forget abt dat day until now... how could he say itz my own fuckin fault? how could he cuzz at me? how could he ask me to fuck out? he dont even noe da whole story? i dont even noe how to explain... i mean... i dont even fink i should explain.. cuz everyfin he said to me waz  a lie... b4 he told me how much he mizzez me n he wanted to stay wif me foreva... dat waz all liez... i thought if i treated him wif all my love... all my trust.. hez gonna luv u bak da same way... but i waz so wrg... i didnt noe... he didnt love me at all... i've just lost sumone who neva loved me... n he... just lost sumone who realli loved him... i wont close down thiz site... cuz i fink we realli had happi tymz b4... i waz realli madly in love wif thiz guy... n i believed we would neva be apart... im such a stupid ass... so naive... i thouht i finally found sumone who i love da most... n i could spend a lyf tym wif... but actulli he didnt love me at all... he neva tried to trust me... or felt happi for me... he didnt... put hiz faith on me... but i wont regret i waz wif him... cuz he waz da one i realli loved... n even though we cant be loverz anymore... hez alwayz gonna be the one i loved the most... he would alwayz stay inside my heart... cuz he waz da one... who showed me wat true love iz... sigh* i realli tried my best to satisfy u...but if u fink it waznt enuf... then from now on... i wish u da best... thz 4 everyfin durin' thiz 14monthz... thz 4 lettin' me love sumone so truly... n may god be alwayz wif u... n let him guide u when u need hiz help.... n stay beautiful...

PS: thz 4 the memoriez... from now on.. i'll start out fresh... n i'll tri my best to forget abt u...


Friday, June 04, 2004

BURN

I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta  do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return

When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn (let it burn, let it burn, you gon'learn)
Let it burn (gotta let it burn)
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know its best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return



When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

today iz my graduation... finally... i did it~!!! i feel lyk i realli succeed sth... i feel so thankful to all my frdz n teacherz... especialli... jennifer n mandy~ thz 4 bein' my close frdz... n being so supportive~ n of cuz Mr.Ocumpo~ ^^ lol... cuz he helped me alot for my pre-cal class... even though im mean to him sumtymz... i fink hez still a realli nice teacher... trying to get along wif uz as close as possible... sumtymz i feel so sorri 4 him cuz sum ppl r takin' advantagez of him~ lol... but ... i fink hez gonna haf a realli gd lyf~ cuz he treatz everyone so nice~ ^^ rite? Mr. Ocumpo~ lol... anyway... thz 4 everyone in Cantwell... my AP music teacher Ms.Baird~ thz 4 never givin' us up~ even though we donno anyfin abt music~ lol... im gonna miz Sister Rosemarie so much >..< shez lyk one of the person im gonna miz so much... shez being so nice to me durin these two yrz... she neva looked down on me cuz im an azn gurl~ ... she realli respectz my culture... n alwayz help me out wif my essayz.. lol... im gonna miz u alot Sister~ thz 4 being a wonderful person~ n finalli... Mr. Beza~! our school dean~! well... most of da ppl fink hez a realli scary person... but actualli hez sooo nice~ he haz a realli kind heart... n he realli carez abt the studentz~ ^^ hez the best Dean ever~! i realli appreciate every fing all the ppl did 4 me durin' these two yrz in Cantwell... itz kinda sad dat we'll walk a separate wayz pretty soon... but... at least we had the best memoriez ever in Cantwell... thz everyone... thz 4 treatin' me so nice... thiz memory will stay in my hearrt 4eva... n i'll neva forget abt our frdship~ ^^ frdz r alwayz there 4 u when u need them... n we should treasure every single moment wif them... cuz without them... we're nth...



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